Friday, February 11th

February 11, 2011- I awoke at 4:20 in the morning to water pouring out of my body. I knew what it was the moment it happened, though I couldn't quite make sense of how this could be happening when I'm only 21 weeks along. Once your water breaks you have to get the baby out, right? If he comes out now, he's too under-developed to survive....I sat with these thoughts for a few minutes and then woke Jason up. We subsequently rushed to the nearest ER. Upon entrance, they ran tests for infection and performed an ultra sound, which confirmed my water had indeed broken. There was no way to identify the cause. And this was not a small leak. 100% of my fluid was gone. He will reproduce fluid as I intake it, but it will continue to leak out. The toughest part of the news was that my son was still 3 weeks from "viability," meaning that if he was born now, he would not survive. We could only wait and pray that for 3 more weeks, infection didn't set in and I didn't go into labor. After 3 weeks, if he comes, they can intervene to help him survive. There's still the issue of the fluid, however. See, even if we make it 3 weeks with no infection and no labor, his lungs can't develop without the presence of fluid. So all we can do is wait for God to do a miracle. Seal up the rupture to allow the amniotic sack to refill with fluid....or develop my son in the absence of the fluid, so he can survive when he's forced to come out here. And so our journey begins....

Monday, February 14, 2011

Accepting the Fact That I am Officially "on Leave"

Another day down! 21 weeks and 5 days today. 16 days until admission. I awoke to him kicking and praised God for that small miracle. Along with that are the two small miracles of remaining pregnant with no infection. Still believing God for the big one! Spoke with my sister last night about how our feeble minds picture what God will do, but that He is so much bigger than we can even conceive, so He'll probably do a miracle that is much greater and blows our mind entirely! Love that I have a family who walks so closely with God. They have ministered to me so much already. 

Today is my first day on leave from work. I already miss my team and pieces of my identity. I already feel a mixture of stress, guilt, anxiety, urgency to delegate all of my important projects......I know, I know. But this is what I do! I have poured my all into this work for 9 years. I didn't even know how leave worked. I found out they will remove my access, once all of the paperwork goes through. Nooooooo! I will definitely need to pray for God to help me through this part of the process. Trying to convince myself that being forced to do nothing is a blessing. I'll need some time to work on that thought. 

Happy Valentine's Day all. Jason waiting on me hand and foot certainly isn't the most romantic way for us to spend the day, but he's here by my side. Again thanking God for a good man who loves me and is in partnership with me through this process. 

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4 comments:

  1. Stefany PewFebruary 14, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    You are amazing Shauna! I look forward to your updates! So glad baby boy is kicking and well. When you say "admission", does that mean you are home and not at the hospital right now?

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  2. ShaunaFebruary 14, 2011 at 9:50 PM

    Thanks Stef! :o) Yes- I'm at hone until 24 weeks because that's when they consider him viable. Basically, they can't do anything to help him right now, if he were to come, but they can at 24. It's the cut off time for intervention.

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  3. Stefany PewFebruary 15, 2011 at 11:15 PM

    From what you are posting in your blog about your son, I have no doubt that he WILL make it to 24 weeks!!! Where do you live? I want to come visit you!!!! And according to your most recent post, you have quite an appetite....so let me know what you are craving and I'll bring it! :)

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  4. ShaunaFebruary 16, 2011 at 11:40 AM

    Thanks Stef! I'm in Gilbert and I would love to see you!!! Just say when. Minus going out dancing a few times a week, I'm just laying here. ;0)

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